Saturday, May 15, 2010

Panic! Says... anybody?

Have you heard? People are quitting Facebook in droves! I was's lead story Thursday! Let's see:

Concerns over Facebook's new privacy policy and the online social network's recent efforts to spread its information across the Web have led some of the site's faithful to delete their accounts

Whoa! That's a big development. Tell me... how big is this trend?

It's unclear how many people have chosen to delete their Facebook accounts in recent weeks.


Seriously? We can now report on trends with no quantitative backing in reality? Awesome. Looking forward to the following headlines:

  • Fewer eating at McDonald's. You can just tell.
  • More people than ever sleeping on their backs, says guy who thinks it's comfy
  • Everyone agrees my blog is the best blog ever. Because.
It's a great day for journalism.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

In Which My Dog Causes Me to Spend Money

Dogs are great. The upside to owning a dog far exceeds any downsides. From the way the dog so openly shows love for you to the way other people on the street love on your dog randomly... pretty cool.

There are downsides, though. Mainly, that they do not speak English.

If my dog (Ashley) spoke English, I'd have some extra dinero today. Alas, my dog does not speak English.

This started a few weeks ago. I came home from work while Sarah was at the gym. Ashley was sitting under the desk in our den with a full view of the door, awaiting my return. That would be OK, except her crate, which we keep her in for safety reasons when we're out for a bit, is in another room.

At first, we wondered if maybe we just had failed to zipper the crate fully and that Ashley was able to nose through. However, Houdini here had other plans.

We started to use twist-ties to ply the crate's two zippers together. You would think a creature lacking opposable thumbs would be confounded by this. But no... we'd come back in and there was Ashley, hanging out, probably wishing she had the thumbs to order a keg so she and her underage friends could carouse.

Yesterday, we hit a tipping point. I took a luggage lock and put THAT through the holes in the zippers. If the dog had escaped this, it was either going to have to be via chewing through a fabric crate (creepy) or someone physically entering our apartment and letting her out (super-creepy).

Fortunately, in that sense, she opted for option #1. We found her still in the crate, though she had mangled the crate to a point that it was clear we needed a longer term solution.

That solution involved getting the larger metal crate out from storage. However, in a small apartment, friends, the adventure does not end there. See, we had to move a small piece of furniture out of the room to accommodate the new crate. Which also meant eliminating a lamp. So we needed more lighting.

Also, the metal crate makes a racket. Ashley will drop her bone in there and it will make a crashing noise and rattle around and generally not be good for the people sleeping in the bed next to her. A dog bed to cushion such travails was going to be required.

Almost exactly $100 later we had all of that. This dog does nothing to earn her keep. While she can run and get her rope/ball/bone she is woefully unable to deliver my slippers to me. She does no chores. While I toil at work, she sits on the rug and sleeps. And yet... I spend money to make her comfortable. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Though if she gets creative with the new crate, she may just find her 3-year-old self at obedience school...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Disgraceful Gospel

This is a touchy topic, but it's one that needs to be addressed and we, as reasonable people, should be able to discuss respectfully (even though the motivation for this post is someone speaking rather disrespectfully).

First off, something that I need to say that you should keep in mind as you read: I do not care what you believe in. Politics. Religion. Pizza toppings. Don't give a swat. But... I will ask that you be accountable for your views and what they mean on the whole.


Franklin Graham, son of Rev. Billy Graham, is mad. You can read the entire piece, rather objectively written and in context, here. In this story, Graham says some things that I've heard other evangelical Christians say lately. And again, I don't begrudge anyone their beliefs... only ask that they be accountable for them. So, let's have at it with Mr. Graham:

"If President Obama fails to intervene to allow controversial evangelist Franklin Graham to lead a National Day of Prayer event Thursday inside the Pentagon, 'it will be a slap in the face of all Christians,' Graham said Tuesday."
Umm... OK. That's a big generalization. Go on...

"[Graham's] Task Force requires organizers and prayer leaders to sign a statement of beliefs agreeing that salvation is only through Christ and that the Bible is inerrant — views not shared by all Christians, including Catholics and many mainline Protestants."
Oh boy. See, this is where we start to have issues. There is a difference between having your views and making other people conform to those views. And, I'm no seminary student, but I don't think Jesus had people showing up at the Sermon on the Mount turned away because they didn't sign a statement of beliefs.

And honestly, Franklin, why do you care so much? Will your life be so much more sad if there;s anyone out there who doesn't want to sign that? Or prays a little differently?

If so, shame on you. Firstly, requiring people to sign statements of beliefs - religiously, politically, pizza-toppingly - is a form of intimidation. Doesn't matter who does it and their reasoning. And you can ballyhoo all you want about being ready to answer to God in the afterlife, but you know what? Go worry about your salvation and I'll worry about mine, bucko. Way to take a day where we small humans could show remarkable unity and make it divisive, all in the name of making your ministry stronger.

"In an interview Tuesday with USA TODAY, Graham reiterated his belief that 'Muslims do not worship the same 'God the Father' I worship.'"
You would think any Judeo-Christian-Islam scholar would jump to the default inter-relationship these three religions have. Alas. But you know, let's for a moment grant Graham his argument. Which leads to the natural next question: Who cares? Why does that even matter? And don't get me wrong, I would ask the same question to a fundamentalist Muslim. Or to an ultra-orthodox Jew. Or someone who demands pineapple pizza. Who cares about your small, self-focused view when all you do is turn off the millions of other people (reportedly God's creations) and create conflict? God may work in mysterious ways, but I would think that sowing the seeds of conflict and disrespect aren't on the list. Because if they are, it pretty much contradicts every other sermon I've heard.

"[Graham] laughed at Hinduism's many manifestations of God: 'No elephant with 100 arms can do anything for me. None of their 9,000 gods is going to lead me to salvation.'"
Holy. Shittake.

I'm going to give you my interpretation of this comment: Graham believes that God plays tricks on people who lived thousands of miles away from where Jesus preached. Those Hindus weren't exposed to the epiphany that Graham envisions Middle eastern Jews having around the time leading up to 325 AD when the First Council of Nicaea convened. And apparently, despite the fact that God loves all his children, Graham thinks God has apparently hidden the "truth" from them and that they now worship false Gods.

Does that sound extreme? I fail to understand why God would play favorites for (oversimplification metaphor... don't get too wound up) a new product introduction.

Think about it. If the Bible is word-for-word accurate, then God created people, and the people (clearly stated!) were good! ALL of them. And he loved them. Even after the whole eating of the apple (he could have not put it there, by the way...) he loved humans enough to create a covenant with them.

So... Graham's logic negates all that. And if that is negated... well, Franklin, what is true for you?

Again, I don't write here to say I have all the answers. And I know a great many people more religiously observant than me, yet they still find a way to get through their days without belittling those who worship differently. And more than a few of those people are members of the clergy.

But those who do... I'm sorry. I find it appalling. I do not see a shred of divinity in the act of outright disrespect and belittling. And a person with some authority doing it? Disgraceful. I hope they find the salvation they seek (this goes for all religions), but I hope they pay a price for the discord they create by choosing to divide instead of unite.

Recently, I spoke with someone who, while generally respectful, makes no qualms about how the idea that "there are many paths to God" is patently incorrect. I hope this person knows that there are millions of others who feel the same way about him. And that for all the good they think they're doing in the world, they're really just pulling us all apart.

Don't think religious leaders like this want to divide us? Take it away Franklin:

"We are fooling ourselves if we think we can have some big kumbaya service and all hold hands and it's all going to get better in this world. It's not going to get better."