OK... so... uh...
BHUBANESWAR, India (Reuters) – An infant boy was married off to his neighbors' dog in eastern India by villagers, who said it will stop the groom from being killed by wild animals, officials and witnesses said on Wednesday.
Around 150 tribespeople performed the ritual recently in a hamlet in the state of Orissa's Jajpur district after the boy, who is under two years old, grew a tooth on his upper gum.
The Munda tribe see such a growth in young children as a bad omen and believe it makes them prone to attacks by tigers and other animals. The tribal god will bless the child and ward off evil spirits after the marriage.
No dowry was exchanged, the witness said, and the boy will still be able to marry a human bride in the future without filing for divorce.
Indian law does not recognize weddings between people and animals, but the ritual survives in rural and tribal areas of the country.
That said, I mean this guy is going to have problems in middle school. Like, I see this kid hanging out after school with a group and getting pissed when his friend Ravi turns to Irshad (the new kid) and says, "Oh yeah, Sagula here [ed - this is his name] is a great guy but his wife's a real dog!"